Beside You
by blessedarethecracked
Summary: Zelos and Sheena are finally together but when a new war and the promise to fight Zelos made to his companions tears them appart, can Sheena let him go without revealing the one thing she promised, for his sake, not to?


They don't pretend to sleep for each others sake as dawn comes unwillingly spilling onto their tangled sheets. She lies nestled under his arm, head resting on his chest while he holds her, gently caressing he soft scarred skin, the hairs on the small of her back rising urgently to feel him, reaching out for his touch for the last time. Two bodies intertwined in an act of sheer, achingly desperate love as they cling to each other drowning in the words they never said, the love they'll never feel and the dawns they'll never see as the future they can't fight against tears them apart. Tears don't break the silence. They wept their last tears long into the night as they held each other tightly, so tightly it hurt as they became one for the final time, large shuddering sobs that wracked their fragile hearts, her fragile body. And he wept piteously in her arms as she kissed his head and stroked his hair, soothing him with a tangle of lies they'd heard before, that they already knew but couldn't bear to face. He wept in fear for him, for her, that this night of torment would last forever, that this night of love would end too soon. But no matter how you shut your eyes the dawn comes anyway bringing with it a stilling sense of apathy. She traces one name subconsciously on his smooth chest her mind a blank as she shuts off all thoughts as to what comes next. What does come next? More tears? More regrets? Screaming? Sobbing? Denial? Her hands clench into a ball. Why the hell did the dawn have to come so soon? And then the resentment dissolves as fresh tears threaten to come and she closes her eyes. He feels her body tense next to him and he entwines his fingers in her dark ebony hair, his own quivering as he runs his thumb along her shoulder blades. He opens his mouth to speak, but she has already pulled away from him, fiercely grinding her fists along her eyelids, denying herself to cry for his sake. He coughs out an angry, tearless sigh- she knew before he did he was about to leave, she felt his body taut before he had even thought about it. Why did he have to be taken away from her now? Now that they were finally together, now that the war had finally ended…. no wars end for long. He rises, his body blocking the sunlight as he looks at the ground and then to her before inhaling sharply and running his hands thought his scarlet hair.

"I… I'll get ready.."

His fighting uniform. He had worn this no so long ago, such a short time had passed between the wars he could still smell the blood on it, still taste the mud as he slipped into it, still feel the tears that had been wept for the lives that had been needlessly shed. And now it was on him again, hugging him tightly in its smothering embrace, reminding him with every heavy step as he reached to put on every heavy layer that he was bound to his group and that bind he had made would never break. Not for the sake of twenty loyal years, not for six brutal wars he had endured, not for every time he had risked his life - and when Sheena had risked hers beside him - for his world. And not for the sake of his new wife. Who, he could feel, stood weeping silently on the first hill the embraced the dawn before their chalet, waiting for him to leave her for good. For he wasn't coming back. He had been lucky all his life, but now he had found the best part of himself that had been missing for so long, now that he was whole, his fortune couldn't last . This was it. The last goodbye. And she knew it. That was what killed him-even more than facing the last days of his life along, more than his death when it would come, he could barley look at himself as he embarked on making the most precious thing to him alone. A widow. And this loneliness, he knew, wouldn't last forever. Which was what was worst of all.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Keep your heart beating. Keep your pulse going. This isn't for you any more. Just keep yourself alive. Not for your sake. You don't matter. Nothing matters. But keep breathing, breathe in. Breathe out. As long as you're strong, he's strong. _Just breathe._

She swallowed loudly, commanding herself to concentrate on inhaling, but all it did was catch the sobs that were rising in her throat, making them more painful when the came. Covering her face with her hands, her body shook and her face was torn with sorrow and she wept. And she wept. And that was how he found her as he climbed the hill to greet the dawn and his new future, to walk away from the only future he could have ever wanted. Looking up brightly and smoothing the collar on his uniform, she tried to smile as the sun rose between, painting an idyllic picture waiting to shattered. She was doing the right thing, wasn't she? Not telling him… it was for the best. Wasn't it. It would make it less painful for him, if that was possible. More painful for her if that was possible. Just one more thing to leave…one more thing to love…she was doing the right thing. She knew it. So why did it feel so damn wrong?

And then they came. Rising like the bitter wind that came to cheat her of her husband in its wake, cascading down the hill like the tears cascading down her face, mirrored in his. He didn't look at them. He couldn't look at them. He could only wait until they stood behind him, waiting for him to join them once more.

"Sheena" Lloyd remarked bitterly, hating what they were doing.

"we must catch the early day if we are to reach our destination before nightfall" Presea stated gently.

Nodding dumbly, he raised his eyes to refuse the ocean of tears to fall from his struggling eyelids.

"I-.." he swallowed, pressing his forehead hard against hers and clasping his hands around her balled fists. "I have to go."

Nodding , she took a step backwards, denying herself of his final touch . "keep yourself safe" she whispered, her fingers lingering on a strand of his hair.

"And you."

Silently his kissed his fingers and pressed them to her lips. Then he gently moved them down to her stomach, her mutely kept, precious secret. "-the both of you"


End file.
